Alright, I'm doing my homework-I'm reading David Wygant's "Date To Win" e-book. I was thinking about writing a bit about myself in the sense of who I am and a bit about my dating and relationship history but I think that doing these exercises is probably an important first step to delving into what makes me, well-ME. So, I'm going to tackle these exercises first. If any of you wonder if I'm censoring myself here for the sake of looking good-think again-I wouldn't be doing this if I was going to be that way. Ok, here goes...
Exercise #1-What type of man am I attracted to? List my Non-Negotiable (must have's) & Negotiable's (not so important).
Non-Negotiables
Emotionally Stable
Emotionally Available
Honest
Financially Stable
Trustworthy
Easygoing
Good sense of humor
Romantic
Good mentor/friend to my son-eventually.
Cannot be overweight
Negotiables
Location-I would prefer a guy who lived close to either my home or work, but I'm open to a bit of distance.
Age-I've always been into men who are my age or a bit older, I think ideally he would be between 36 & 41, but I would consider someone a little younger or older than that. Maybe 33-45.
Height-I'm naturally attracted to men who are between 5'10 & 6'2, but I'm open to someone shorter or taller.
Aside from height, I don't have a particular physical type that I have to be with. But I am naturally drawn to dark haired guys. Strong shoulders/arms/hands are a big turn on for me but as long as I'm with a man who is strong inside & out and I safe with him, it really doesn't matter. He doesn't have to be a Superman build-the average build is more than fine. All I know is that I MUST be attracted and feel chemistry with a man. You can't TRY to make that happen it's either there or it isn't. Besides the above-are so many possible "Negotiables". I'll take it as it comes.
Exercise #2-This is where I lay out the type of person I am in order to understand the type of person I want to attract. Alright, let's do it:
Profile Basics
Age: 36
Height: 5'6''
Weight: 137 (I have lost 15 and I have 7 more pounds to lose to my goal but I'm feeling pretty damn good about myself right now.)
Hair: Long & Red. Naturally curly but I straighten it often.
Eyes: Big almond shaped & brown with long lashes.
Education: Some college, but I worked my way up the ladder through hard work.
Income: It could be more, but it's decent.
Top 3 Features: Hair, eyes & butt
Top 3 Flaws: I break-out when overly stressed, my arms are not toned, I have a few spider veins. Urgh.
Profile Specifics
One Night Stand or Relationship? Relationship
1. I enjoy going out to dinner. There's plenty of time for conversation and it's good to be in that environment. You can see how a man treats the wait staff (I can't stand rude), you can see his table manners (don't get me started on nasty table manners), you can see how much alcohol he orders (I don't like someone who drinks a lot), you can see if asks to order for you (just interesting, but I don't really care), it's always fun to see if he asks or waits for your answer when the desert question is asked or if he just says no for the both of us. I'd like to say that you can see how well he tips but I'm not one to grab the credit card slip. Hmmmm, I suppose it is obvious that yes-I do expect the man to pay-at least for the first few dates. At some point I do like to treat, but we have to make it that far first.
2. I love to make dinner (and I'm a great cook). One of the best feelings is having someone enjoy what I've made. I like to have the man come over as I'm nearly finishing making the meal. It's fun to see what they do. Do they ask to help, or do they like to watch? Either way is fine by me. After that I enjoy just sitting and talking, drinking cocktails or wine. MAYBE watching a movie, but I'd rather get to know someone and listen to music.
3. I love to have dinner made for me too. How good are they in the kitchen and how do they set the mood for the evening? The above applies to this scene too. Going to a County Fair, street fair or outdoor market is a great date. It's fun to see the different types of things we are both drawn to and discuss the things we see. This also gives a good opportunity for side by side time. The beach is one of my favorite places, either by night or day.
4. Going to a County Fair, street fair or outdoor market is a great date. It's fun to see the different types of things we are both drawn to and discuss the things we see. This also gives a good opportunity for side by side time.
5. The beach is one of my favorite places, either by night or day.
Top 5 Interests?
Why these questions?
David shows in his book with examples of real clients list of questions and fears that most of us don't approach for the same reasons AND most of us have the same or very similar things we want to know about someone we're attracted to. I was no different, there's a few of my questions that are in line with the examples that he showed. Maybe I went a little deeper than most but he did say ANY 10 questions!
So, at this point I've done the 3 first exercises (and then some). The next part in the book is to go out and observe people. Observe people who are outgoing on talking to other people, observe the watchers, observe who's watching ME. I'm to do this for a week. I'll write about what I see in another blog.
Now I've gotta go-The Yankees are playing The Red Sox for the first time in the new stadium and that's my que. After that, I'm going to go listen David's audio download, "Self Love".
Hope everyone is having a wonderful Monday!
~V~
Damn, the game is in a rain delay! Grrrrrrrrrrr!
Exercise #1-What type of man am I attracted to? List my Non-Negotiable (must have's) & Negotiable's (not so important).
Non-Negotiables
Emotionally Stable
Emotionally Available
Honest
Financially Stable
Trustworthy
Easygoing
Good sense of humor
Romantic
Good mentor/friend to my son-eventually.
Cannot be overweight
Negotiables
Location-I would prefer a guy who lived close to either my home or work, but I'm open to a bit of distance.
Age-I've always been into men who are my age or a bit older, I think ideally he would be between 36 & 41, but I would consider someone a little younger or older than that. Maybe 33-45.
Height-I'm naturally attracted to men who are between 5'10 & 6'2, but I'm open to someone shorter or taller.
Aside from height, I don't have a particular physical type that I have to be with. But I am naturally drawn to dark haired guys. Strong shoulders/arms/hands are a big turn on for me but as long as I'm with a man who is strong inside & out and I safe with him, it really doesn't matter. He doesn't have to be a Superman build-the average build is more than fine. All I know is that I MUST be attracted and feel chemistry with a man. You can't TRY to make that happen it's either there or it isn't. Besides the above-are so many possible "Negotiables". I'll take it as it comes.
Exercise #2-This is where I lay out the type of person I am in order to understand the type of person I want to attract. Alright, let's do it:
Profile Basics
Age: 36
Height: 5'6''
Weight: 137 (I have lost 15 and I have 7 more pounds to lose to my goal but I'm feeling pretty damn good about myself right now.)
Hair: Long & Red. Naturally curly but I straighten it often.
Eyes: Big almond shaped & brown with long lashes.
Education: Some college, but I worked my way up the ladder through hard work.
Income: It could be more, but it's decent.
Top 3 Features: Hair, eyes & butt
Top 3 Flaws: I break-out when overly stressed, my arms are not toned, I have a few spider veins. Urgh.
Profile Specifics
One Night Stand or Relationship? Relationship
Active or Mellow? Both, depending on the mood.
Sex-Always or Rarely? (I assume this means how much I want it, not how much I'm getting it NOW.) So-always.
Shy or Outgoing? Outgoing
Social or Homebody? Both. Sometimes I just want to be at home and sometimes I have to be out or at least with friends being silly.
Family or Friends? Both, but I don't have a very good relationship with my family (besides my son) and I consider my friends to be family.
Giver or Taker? I'm a giver, and I like it that way. But I really appreciate thoughtfulness from my partner.
Top 5 Perfect Dates?1. I enjoy going out to dinner. There's plenty of time for conversation and it's good to be in that environment. You can see how a man treats the wait staff (I can't stand rude), you can see his table manners (don't get me started on nasty table manners), you can see how much alcohol he orders (I don't like someone who drinks a lot), you can see if asks to order for you (just interesting, but I don't really care), it's always fun to see if he asks or waits for your answer when the desert question is asked or if he just says no for the both of us. I'd like to say that you can see how well he tips but I'm not one to grab the credit card slip. Hmmmm, I suppose it is obvious that yes-I do expect the man to pay-at least for the first few dates. At some point I do like to treat, but we have to make it that far first.
2. I love to make dinner (and I'm a great cook). One of the best feelings is having someone enjoy what I've made. I like to have the man come over as I'm nearly finishing making the meal. It's fun to see what they do. Do they ask to help, or do they like to watch? Either way is fine by me. After that I enjoy just sitting and talking, drinking cocktails or wine. MAYBE watching a movie, but I'd rather get to know someone and listen to music.
3. I love to have dinner made for me too. How good are they in the kitchen and how do they set the mood for the evening? The above applies to this scene too. Going to a County Fair, street fair or outdoor market is a great date. It's fun to see the different types of things we are both drawn to and discuss the things we see. This also gives a good opportunity for side by side time. The beach is one of my favorite places, either by night or day.
4. Going to a County Fair, street fair or outdoor market is a great date. It's fun to see the different types of things we are both drawn to and discuss the things we see. This also gives a good opportunity for side by side time.
5. The beach is one of my favorite places, either by night or day.
Top 5 Interests?
- Having fun with my kid.
- Animals & Pets.
- Writing/Reading/Drawing
- Snorkeling in Laguna Beach
- Watching Major League Baseball
Exercise #3-
What are my top 3 fears that prevents me from approaching men I am attracted to?
Well since I just don't do that, I don't have any reasons. I just decided a long time ago that I wouldn't do it-men were supposed to approach me-bottom line. That's why deciding to change this about myself is such a big deal.
OK, so there's this other part of the ebook that isn't an exercise but I thought it was interesting. It goes with the "fears" issue.
Here's the question: If you could go up to ANY man you're attracted to and ask him ANY 10 questions what would they be?
My Q's:
Is there someone special in your life whom you see on a regular basis?- What's your favorite thing to do outside of the house?
- How sexual are you?
- When was your last serious relationship?
- Do you follow-through with what you say?
- How do you feel about dating someone who has a teenager?
- Is getting married important to you?
- Who's the most important person in your life?
- Do you like going to the beach?
- Are you an animal lover?
Why these questions?
The reason I don't ask if they are single is because there's a loop-hole there. Some men may be seeing someone, not fully committed yet so they consider themselves single. When you ask if they see someone regularly, you get a better picture on how available they are.
I think this one is pretty straight-forward.
This is a juicy one huh? I'm a very sexual person-the more I get it the more I want it. I need someone who can match my appetite.
I need to know if this guy is truly emotionally available and that takes time in between relationships.- Let us assume the guy I'm asking these questions to HAS to tell the truth. I want to know if I can count on him, or is he selfish and a flake?
Yes, I'm a mom. The older my son gets (he'll be 14 in September) the easier it is I think, since there's a big sense of Independence with him-(and he wants me to be with someone) but I have a regular schedule with my son (I have shared custody) and at least in the beginning of dating someone they have to understand that I will not change my schedule with my son to suit our dating life. I have made that mistake in the past and I will not do it again. There is non-kid time in my schedule to cultivate a relationship, and the further along things get the more time I will make.
This is a good one. I really don't have the desire to get married. I've been married and I have some very strong feelings about "tying the knot". So, if I meet a man and he's all about getting married-he's not for me. I don't want that kind of pressure. I just want to be with someone, have a long term relationship and let big things like that become a mutual desire down the road.
Who's #1 for you man? Is it you? Is it your mom? Is it your kid? Is it your sister or brother or friend? Is it your job or your boss? Is it your dog or your cat? All of these answers mean something different. Who's your priority, who are you living to make happy and do you have room in your life to rearrange the list?
I decided, after being with someone who did NOT like going to the beach that I need someone who LOVES the beach. He must love to go swimming in it, lay on it, nap on it, explore tide pools on the shore and watch the sunset or rise from it. If he loves the beach so much that he has a boat-BONUS!
This is a big deal. I surround myself with animals at home and at work. I have got to be with a man who understands my love and passion for all things furry. He doesn't have to equal me, but if dog or cat hair on the bed is an issue for him-he's not for me.
David shows in his book with examples of real clients list of questions and fears that most of us don't approach for the same reasons AND most of us have the same or very similar things we want to know about someone we're attracted to. I was no different, there's a few of my questions that are in line with the examples that he showed. Maybe I went a little deeper than most but he did say ANY 10 questions!
So, at this point I've done the 3 first exercises (and then some). The next part in the book is to go out and observe people. Observe people who are outgoing on talking to other people, observe the watchers, observe who's watching ME. I'm to do this for a week. I'll write about what I see in another blog.
Now I've gotta go-The Yankees are playing The Red Sox for the first time in the new stadium and that's my que. After that, I'm going to go listen David's audio download, "Self Love".
Hope everyone is having a wonderful Monday!
~V~
Damn, the game is in a rain delay! Grrrrrrrrrrr!
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