Last night was interesting. My best friend and I went to The Irvine Spectrum, and for those of you in the Orange County CA area, you know how big it it is, how many people go there-especially on a Saturday night and especially when new big movies come out. Yesterday was the second day of Star Trek, and there were tons of people there. Carmen and I were there to see Wolverine, since we didn't get to go the week before like we had planned.
I felt pretty good, better than I had in over a week. I've had some health drama recently, which has put a bit of a damper on this "new me" thing and it was really great to be out in the world. I am an avid people watcher, I always have been. I especially find it fun to people watch at a bar/club/party when people are intoxicated and I am not. That's the best kind of people watching there is in my opinion.
Just getting into the parking structure was a chore, so many cars trying to get into and out of the structure that it was grid lock. Even as I sat there in my car waiting for the traffic to move I was observing. I saw a cute guy in a truck waiting for traffic to move so he could leave. I was watching him. He must of felt my eyes because he looked directly at me. I smiled. He looked away. I kept looking at him and he turned back around and looked at me again. I kept smiling. He looked away and then back at me again and I was still smiling at him. At this time I think he finally figured out that I was indeed looking and smiling at him. He looked a little flustered and then smiled this BIG smile at me as the traffic in front of him moved and he drove off while he was looking at me!
"OH MY GOD!" I exclaimed
"What?" Carmen asked
"I just did it. I just kept looking at this guy in a truck going out of the structure and he kept looking back and then he smiled back really big! Holy shit, it worked!"
"Awesome!"
"Yeah, totally....Even though he was probably like 21 years old, it was way cool!"
See, Carmen and I finally got a chance to talk about my new project, the new me and I showed her this diary. She immediately jumped on board:
"Yeah, I know my problem is that I have a really hard time holding eye contact-except for that one time on my birthday a couple of years ago when we were in Long Beach, remember? I saw that guy and he was really cute and I just kept on looking at him and smiling, and he came over to talk to me?"
"Yes! I do remember! See, it works."
"Yeah, I know-but that's the last time I did it." And she looked regretful.
"Well, that's what you need to do! We need to learn to be more approachable AND learn how to do the approaching."
"Ohhhhhh, I don't know about that. THAT I do not do."
"Well, I think you should take another look at that. I mean, that's what I thought too. I would never approach a man, NEVER-you know me. I get all stupid and shy when they look at me, much less look at THEM and approach them!"
We talked about this the whole way to The Spectrum. How we hear that question about why we're single. I told her how I had decided that I wasn't going to stress about it anymore, but I am going to really step out into the world. Carmen has it a little bit more difficult than I do. She's never been married and she doesn't have kids. I on the other hand have been married and I do have a kid.
The Grandfather Clocks of MARRIAGE and BABIES do not chime for me, but they do for her. And the #1 person banging her clock is her mother. That woman wants grandchildren and reminds Carmen to "Get on it before she looses her looks" which I think is just horrible and I know that her mom loves her and wants her to be happy and "start her life" but she doesn't understand how horrible that makes Carmen feel.
Carmen's other issue is that she's mostly attracted to younger men. And younger men are always attracted to her. Carmen will be 36 in August and a lot of men 10 years younger flock to her and she loves it, she loves their vitality and their spunk, but before anything real can ever happen Carmen decides that nothing "real or substantial or serious" could ever come from a relationship with a younger guy, "Unless it's Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore" as she puts it.
I told her that I don't think it is reasonable or fair to discount an entire group of men just because of their age. Her response was, "Yeah I guess it is becoming more acceptable for older women to date younger men..."
Oh Carmen! She kills me, I swear-as far as I'm concerned the only people who should find it acceptable are the two people in it. But whatever, she's stubborn.
Honestly, I have dated men way younger than me, way older than me, my exact same age and I've concluded that they can all be babies. So, fuck the age thing-just find someone you enjoy and go for the ride. Go on the ride A LOT. Do what feels good & do it A LOT. Who cares what the Chinese Zodiac says! Who cares if they are a Boar, Dog, Rat, Monkey, Dragon, Rabbit or the rest of the barn animals! (I'm a Rat by the way, Carmen is an Ox.) I've always found it funny that I'm a Rat because I've always loved rats, had them as pets when I was a child and I have 4 now. Yeah, seriously.
OK, back to me and my experience last night...
Let's preface this by stating that I was having a great hair night, that my loosing over 15 pounds has really made me feel spectacular. I mean, I love muffins but not on the north side of the top button of my jeans! Man, I feel good about the way I look, I feel empowered with this new way of thinking and that makes making eye contact with people much easier.
OK, so walking around I make it a point to notice people, to walk with presence, to be relaxed, peaceful and confident. I make eye contact with whomever looks at me. I smile. It feels good. Then I turn a corner and notice a man at an outside table of a restaurant who looks right at me, and what do I do? I look away. Why? Because he was very good looking.
"Damn it!" I say
"What?"
"That guy-who's really hot just looked at me and I immediately looked away. I think I may have even stopped my smile."
"Hmmmmm." Is all she can say.
"Fuck, I need to work on that."
"Yeah, it's hard."
I even considered going to eat at that restaurant and sitting outside where he was JUST so I could redeem myself by starting some type of conversation with the man, BUT as we walked by again he was holding his cell phone and his wedding ring gleamed at me.
I felt pretty good, better than I had in over a week. I've had some health drama recently, which has put a bit of a damper on this "new me" thing and it was really great to be out in the world. I am an avid people watcher, I always have been. I especially find it fun to people watch at a bar/club/party when people are intoxicated and I am not. That's the best kind of people watching there is in my opinion.
Just getting into the parking structure was a chore, so many cars trying to get into and out of the structure that it was grid lock. Even as I sat there in my car waiting for the traffic to move I was observing. I saw a cute guy in a truck waiting for traffic to move so he could leave. I was watching him. He must of felt my eyes because he looked directly at me. I smiled. He looked away. I kept looking at him and he turned back around and looked at me again. I kept smiling. He looked away and then back at me again and I was still smiling at him. At this time I think he finally figured out that I was indeed looking and smiling at him. He looked a little flustered and then smiled this BIG smile at me as the traffic in front of him moved and he drove off while he was looking at me!
"OH MY GOD!" I exclaimed
"What?" Carmen asked
"I just did it. I just kept looking at this guy in a truck going out of the structure and he kept looking back and then he smiled back really big! Holy shit, it worked!"
"Awesome!"
"Yeah, totally....Even though he was probably like 21 years old, it was way cool!"
See, Carmen and I finally got a chance to talk about my new project, the new me and I showed her this diary. She immediately jumped on board:
"Yeah, I know my problem is that I have a really hard time holding eye contact-except for that one time on my birthday a couple of years ago when we were in Long Beach, remember? I saw that guy and he was really cute and I just kept on looking at him and smiling, and he came over to talk to me?"
"Yes! I do remember! See, it works."
"Yeah, I know-but that's the last time I did it." And she looked regretful.
"Well, that's what you need to do! We need to learn to be more approachable AND learn how to do the approaching."
"Ohhhhhh, I don't know about that. THAT I do not do."
"Well, I think you should take another look at that. I mean, that's what I thought too. I would never approach a man, NEVER-you know me. I get all stupid and shy when they look at me, much less look at THEM and approach them!"
We talked about this the whole way to The Spectrum. How we hear that question about why we're single. I told her how I had decided that I wasn't going to stress about it anymore, but I am going to really step out into the world. Carmen has it a little bit more difficult than I do. She's never been married and she doesn't have kids. I on the other hand have been married and I do have a kid.
The Grandfather Clocks of MARRIAGE and BABIES do not chime for me, but they do for her. And the #1 person banging her clock is her mother. That woman wants grandchildren and reminds Carmen to "Get on it before she looses her looks" which I think is just horrible and I know that her mom loves her and wants her to be happy and "start her life" but she doesn't understand how horrible that makes Carmen feel.
Carmen's other issue is that she's mostly attracted to younger men. And younger men are always attracted to her. Carmen will be 36 in August and a lot of men 10 years younger flock to her and she loves it, she loves their vitality and their spunk, but before anything real can ever happen Carmen decides that nothing "real or substantial or serious" could ever come from a relationship with a younger guy, "Unless it's Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore" as she puts it.
I told her that I don't think it is reasonable or fair to discount an entire group of men just because of their age. Her response was, "Yeah I guess it is becoming more acceptable for older women to date younger men..."
Oh Carmen! She kills me, I swear-as far as I'm concerned the only people who should find it acceptable are the two people in it. But whatever, she's stubborn.
Honestly, I have dated men way younger than me, way older than me, my exact same age and I've concluded that they can all be babies. So, fuck the age thing-just find someone you enjoy and go for the ride. Go on the ride A LOT. Do what feels good & do it A LOT. Who cares what the Chinese Zodiac says! Who cares if they are a Boar, Dog, Rat, Monkey, Dragon, Rabbit or the rest of the barn animals! (I'm a Rat by the way, Carmen is an Ox.) I've always found it funny that I'm a Rat because I've always loved rats, had them as pets when I was a child and I have 4 now. Yeah, seriously.
OK, back to me and my experience last night...
Let's preface this by stating that I was having a great hair night, that my loosing over 15 pounds has really made me feel spectacular. I mean, I love muffins but not on the north side of the top button of my jeans! Man, I feel good about the way I look, I feel empowered with this new way of thinking and that makes making eye contact with people much easier.
OK, so walking around I make it a point to notice people, to walk with presence, to be relaxed, peaceful and confident. I make eye contact with whomever looks at me. I smile. It feels good. Then I turn a corner and notice a man at an outside table of a restaurant who looks right at me, and what do I do? I look away. Why? Because he was very good looking.
"Damn it!" I say
"What?"
"That guy-who's really hot just looked at me and I immediately looked away. I think I may have even stopped my smile."
"Hmmmmm." Is all she can say.
"Fuck, I need to work on that."
"Yeah, it's hard."
I even considered going to eat at that restaurant and sitting outside where he was JUST so I could redeem myself by starting some type of conversation with the man, BUT as we walked by again he was holding his cell phone and his wedding ring gleamed at me.
"Fuck it." Homie don't play that.
NEXT!
At the movie theater, waiting in line for tickets I kept scanning the crowd. I made eye contact with a very tall man who stood out, I gave a little smile. He looked away. A few minutes later I turned back around caught his eye again. He got distracted with the way-too-overly-clingy woman he was with. He had a look on his face like a papa bear being pawed at by his baby cub. I think I gave him a look like, "Oh, I get it." But that didn't stop me from turning around again a few minutes later, and this time he was already looking at me. I held my gaze with him for a count of 3 and then looked at his baby cub and then back at him-that's when his look turned to one of embarrassment. But I found it quite curious when I looked back one last time and he had seemed to have bat the cub off and was standing very straight, hands in his pockets, head slightly turned down and looking directly at me. I looked at the baby cub who was standing beside him-not touching him at all and looked like the honey was taken away from her but she didn't know why. Poor baby cub. Yes, quite curious. At this point it was time to buy our tickets and we headed inside, I made a quick turn of my head towards the crowed but purposefully did not look at him. That little experiment was over. (Carmen had told me about her friend who stares at men with women just to see if they will keep looking at her, and they do.) Yep, they do.
In the movie theater there were a ton of people waiting in lines down the halls for their showing of the next Star Trek. I made it a point to look at everyone. I made eye contact with all of the men, all of the women and the entire time I had a slight, inviting smile on my face. It seemed like almost everyone was looking at me. I decided that it was my energy, my vibe. It felt good. Walking into our theater I realized something important that I had forgotten:
"Dude, I gotta pee. There's no way I'll make it all the way through."
We found our seats and I immediately made my way down the stairs and out to the hallway where everyone was still sitting and standing waiting for their movie.
I did it again, I walked in the middle of the hallway, making eye contact with everyone, with the same inviting smile. People actually stopped talking to look, and smile back. There wasn't anyone in particular that I was trying to make eye contact with, I was just doing it to recognize that those people were THERE, that I was there too-that we for a short second-connected. It was really cool.
On my way back to my seat I did it again, walking through the hallway-looking at people, then looking at the same people who were in that line, I had already looked at them twice, and now this was the third time. This time EVERYONE was looking at me, one woman even looked at me then turned her head to keep looking at me-she was standing but many of them were sitting on the floor-they all looked up at me. They all had the same type of look on their faces. I can't imagine what they were thinking, but it was good energy coming from them.
This is when I locked eyes with a man way down the line, he was standing and his hands were together in front of his face, both index fingers pointing up towards the ceiling. And he just locked in to me and I kept looking at him and I walked down the very long hall. There were many people in front of him and behind him and I have no idea which of those people he was with because I just saw bodies and I was not making eye contact with any of them-just him. This entire time I was walking to go back to my theater and the closer I got to it and to him, the more intense the look was. I kept looking at him as I made the turn into the theater where it was safe in the dark and I realized how hard my heart was pounding. It was crazy! It was the oddest thing to ever turn me on I have ever experienced (with a stranger). WOW.
I don't even know what most of his face looked like, I just know his eyes. I don't know if he was in line watching me go down the hall to the bathroom or if he got in line while I was in the bathroom but either way, he was watching all of the people looking at me.
And the one thing that that experience taught me was this: When someone notices a person that everyone is looking at, they have to look at that person too and they want that person to look at them. And in this instance, that person was me and he was what seemed to be in a trance and I was sorta hypnotized. Not so much because he was very attractive (OK-he was hot), but that my eyes found his in this huge line of people and that I did it, I held the eye contact for a LONG time. It was amazing, and it only gave me the confidence to do it again. Maybe the next time that happens there will be room to make a connection...But for now, this was good enough. I'm getting it, and it's amazing.
Oh, and the movie was very, very good. Oh man, the eye candy gave me a cavity.
~V~
0 comments:
Post a Comment