I Feel...Weird...(Part 2)

I called my GP's office and he was out of town. Of course he was! Damn it!

I explained that I needed to see SOMEONE right away and what was going on. They set me up with an appointment in 30 minutes. I could make it. As I drove back in the direction of home, and the Dr's office I thought about all of my pets in the car. I couldn't leave them in the car when I went to the appointment, it was going to be a warm day and I had no idea what would happen or how long it was going to take at the appointment. I decided to take the babies home, and just as I did-as I drove on the freeway I got a headache unlike anything I ever felt.

All of a sudden on the very top of my head it felt like a huge needle cut through my skull and injected an anesthetic that slowly seeped down the side of my head, only the right side, all the way down, past my eye, my ear, down to my neck. It hurt and felt so weird-but it HURT. All I could think was, "Please don't let this get worse while I'm going 75mph, keep your EYE-the left one-on the road...Steady, steady." I don't think that if it wasn't for my experience with ice-pick headaches I could have stayed on the road, or kept from crashing. The pain and sensation lasted about 20 seconds and then slowly dissipated.

I got the babies home and I made it to the appointment 10 minutes late.

It didn't seem to matter...This office was clearly very busy and far behind. Swine Flu. People were crazy. My appointment should have been made for 11:30 instead of 10:10. I had to sit there in the waiting room as I felt worse and worse. Finally I got into an exam room, after the nurse left me I laid down on the table. I'm not sure how much longer I had to wait for the doctor, but I think it was about 30 minutes.

He came into the room and I could immediately tell that he was not Dr. Compassionate. I told him all that happened and how I was feeling and how I was numb, tingly, weak, pointed out how the side of my face was pulling.

"Do you think you had a stroke?" He asked me.

I was shocked at the question. "That never occurred to me" I said, confused.

"I don't think you had a stroke. Your blood pressure is fine."

"OK, well SOMETHING is going on. I have Fibro, talked to my Rheumie and he said it sounded Neurological and that I should see my GP to get a referral to a Neurologist maybe it's MS or something."

"Yes, I think you should see a Neurologist. I will put a referral in."

"Can I see one today?"

He looked at me like I was crazy.

"No. It doesn't work that way. It will take a few days."

"A FEW DAYS??? Are you kidding me? With what I have going on?"

"Well, if you think it's "THAT BAD" I mean, you're the only one who knows how it feels to you-then you should go to the ER."

"Well, YEAH obviously something is very wrong and I DO feel that bad."

"OK then, you should go to the ER."

This doctor was a complete asshole, no expression on his face and he blinked at me like a robot. He didn't do any type of exam on me but gave me advice, "Go to the ER if it's that bad." I wished my GP was there...

I made my way back to my car, slowly. Luckily the Dr's office is only 5 minutes from my house. I called work again to give the update, I was going to the ER. But I was going home first, I needed to change, wait...I needed to not be driving, I need someone to take me. On the way home I called a couple of friends, got voice mail...Broke down crying on both, "I need to go to the ER, please call me back ASAP...." click. Oh God...What now???

I was tired, so tired...I was up mostly all night, my body was doing something I never experienced, I knew I had a long day ahead of me at the ER, not only for all that may happen but this was May 1st, and SWINE FLU was getting A LOT of buzz-the ER would be a joke. I waited for calls back and I kept touching my numb skin, biting my numb lip, feeling the left side of my mouth pull. What the fuck was happening? Was MS finally striking? Was this something else?

Urgh, the ER. I hated going to the ER and being in the hospital in general...It had been many years since I've had to be. After my bouts in the beginning of my road to figure out what was wrong, before the Fibro diagnosis-I was taken to the ER a few times-when I couldn't move. When it always subsided about 12-24 hours later and when "they" would tell me that they couldn't find WHY this would happen and after I knew I had Fibro when those bouts of not being able to move due to weakness and overall tingling would happen I would NOT go to the ER. There was no point. I knew it was my Fibro, and it would eventually get better and I'd much rather be at home than being in the hospital. I hated it.

I'd even tell my boyfriends over the years-if I could feel that sort of Fibro attack coming on-"Now, if it gets to the point that I can't move, that I'm very painful or whatever-I know it will be scary to you and maybe freak you out, but it will go away and you MUST promise me that you WILL NOT try to get me to the hospital." Reluctantly, they would agree.

But this time was different, this time I was numb and my face was pulling and it was freakin' me the FUCK OUT! This time, I needed to go to the hospital.

It didn't take that long for my friends to call me back, Carmen would have to be at work until at least 4 and it was around 1pm at this point. I really didn't want to wait, but I didn't have a choice. Carmen suggested that I try to sleep since I told her that I was up all night and very tired. But I knew I wouldn't be able to. My other friend Cyndi called me and she would be able to get to me within 45 minutes. I decided that I wouldn't wait for Carmen. Cyndi was on her way.

Cyndi was obviously rattled when she saw me and I talked to her.

"Do you see...my mouth pulling?" I was talking slow and it was hard to form words.

With tears in her eyes she nodded. "Yes, V---maybe it's a stroke?"

As I was getting my shoes on Cyndi got a call from her friend Penny. I had to concentrate so hard on what I was doing I didn't really hear their conversation.

"That was Penny. I told her what's going on with you and she said it sounded like a stroke too." Cyndi said with more panic in her voice.

"The asshole Dr. didn't think so...Never occurred to me either...I don't know...Maybe MS...Let's go." Damn, I was so out of it-I felt kinda buzzed, but not in a fun way. Doped up? Yeah, maybe that's a better description. It took much effort to walk, making sure I had my right leg moving and foot raised so I wouldn't trip over it, holding on to walls and such to keep my balance because it was way off-my right arm was not working and I didn't even try to get it to.

I didn't know how long I would be in the hospital, but I knew I wanted to be comfortable-as much as I could anyway. I put my super soft hot pink robe that I used more as a blanket on a nightly basis into my reusable Trader Joes bag. I'd take it to the movies with me if I didn't look like a complete nut job and it wouldn't get all nasty from God knows what on the seats and floor. Ahhhhh, "The Movies" I wish I were going THERE.

I made it to my car, she would drive my car because she hates people in her truck due to all of the dog hair and "yuck". She has her own business of dog boarding and training.

Luckily the hospital is just about 10 minutes from my house. We both had scared nervous energy and we didn't talk about the matter at hand, but rather the last dramatic event with my family. I hadn't spoken to my father, mother or brother in months. No, they weren't called.

As we pulled up to the emergency entrance we noticed valet parking.

"Should we valet it?"

"Holy crap...Just like Hoag...Yeah, valet it...I can't walk now I think..."

"Do you want a wheelchair?"

"Yep."

I was helped into a wheelchair and took in the surroundings. Men, women, children, babies...They all had masks on. Yep, we just drove up to a scene out of "Outbreak" where was Dustin Hoffman???

Cyndi looked around too, then back at me slumped in the chair-resting my head in my left hand.

"Seriously?"

"Pig...snot" I said, and we hadn't even made it inside the hospital yet. These were just the people standing outside.

"Alright, lets get you in there."

When you can't walk, and you need a wheelchair-hospital staff tend to pay more attention to you. I believe this would have been the case if it weren't for all of the freaked out people in masks pushing the ER to the limit.

We were quickly approached by a very young man I can only describe as the "ER Host" much like a restaurant "Hostess".
I can't clearly remember how the conversation went but the young man asked Cyndi if I was there because of the Swine Flu. She quickly scoffed that off and told him that something was wrong, like a stroke or something and she was instructed to fill out paperwork.

She asked me questions and filled out the paperwork.

"Cyndi, is my...eye pulling...now too?"

She didn't want to freak me out I think, but it was obvious that she was very alarmed.

"Yes. Now your eye is doing it too." And she looked around the room, the chaos that surrounded us. And she wasn't going to let it hinder our progress in getting me seen ASAP.

"I'm going to go make sure that they know what's going on with you and try to get you in there...Because I do not want THIS CRAP (and she motioned to the masked people) hold you up. You need to get in there NOW. Are you ok with me getting in their faces?"

Truth be told, I was glad that she was the way she was because I know that there's not many people who would have the balls to cut us through the Swine Flu.

"Totally, go." I said.

And she was off.

I closed my eyes. Tried to think of anything, anywhere other than where I was. I opened them again and saw a man walk by me. Blanket wrapped around him, mask on, eyes huge and scared. I read his mind when he looked at me, "Look bitch, I was here first and clearly I need to be seen first too."

"Fuck off, you big baby. You don't have the fucking SWINE FLU!" I thought, and closed my eyes again. Disappear fucker, just disappear.

"V?"

I opened my eyes.

"OK, I told them what was going on with you and that you have something neurological going on or maybe a stroke and you need to be triaged ASAP. So, I'll give it about 5 more minutes before I get up and go back, ok?"

"Yeah...Sounds good...Thank you..."

We moved us-purses, bags, slumped over Vanessa in the wheelchair into the triage waiting area.

It was hard to keep my head up and as time went by I felt less and less like myself, and more and more weak and confused. This wasn't Fibro, I don't know where she is-but this isn't her.

There was a woman with a very cranky baby sitting near us, worry in the mother's eyes. Panic. She's done everything she thinks she should, it didn't work, baby is sick.

I read her mind, "We're here baby, we're in the hospital...We just need to wait. You're ok baby, you're ok. Please be ok, please take us soon."

"I'm sorry mommy and baby, I'm going first. They'll take me first. But you'll be ok."

Cyndi looks around, assess the competition.

"You'd think that someone with your symptoms would be a lot more critical than people thinking they've got the fucking Swine Flu." She didn't say this in a whisper, nor did she say it loudly enough to be obnoxious, but to me in a volume that people could hear, if they were paying attention.

"Seriously" I say, and I look at the mom and her baby. Baby didn't react to what Cyndi said but mommy did. Stiffening up and holding her cranky baby tightly as if we were threatening to discard of her young.

"I'm giving it another minute or two, then I'm going back up...You don't mind me being all up in their faces do you?"

"Fuck no. You're...awesome." I needed her to be exactly who she was.

"Good, I'm not one to just sit around and wait when it is clear that you need to be seen and not wait around while they sift through this shit."

"VANESSA"

Cyndi didn't react to my name being called. I think she was in serious thought and process of how to proceed in the pushiness she was going to unleash on these people if I wasn't called.

"VANESSA?"

"I think they called my name."

"VANESSA!"

"Oh, shit. Yes, here...Right here." She jumped up, turned my wheelchair around and moved towards the very confident, irritated, yet tiny Asian woman.

"So Vanessa, you're experiencing numbness and tingling?"

"Yes...on my.......right....side...mostly....but it's also.....on my left side...and..."

"And her face is pulling to the left. She's weak and she's having a hard time speaking, obviously." Cyndi helped

It was getting more and more increasingly difficult to talk. My tongue felt weird, the right side of my mouth was numb and the left side was pulling. But that really wasn't why it was hard to talk. I was having trouble thinking of the words and then saying them.

They made me get up off of the wheel chair to weigh me, and they had to support me. When I say MADE me, is because I knew I would have trouble standing, my legs felt way too strange and besides, I just weighed in at Jenny Craig 2 days ago, I told her how much I weighed. But that wasn't good enough, she wanted to see it for herself. Fine. Bitch. Just because you weigh 2 pounds, you don't have to be a scale nazi.

They rolled me up to a station where they took my temp, my blood pressure and asked some questions...I don't remember what.

"Alright, well...Let's go. I don't know what's going on with you, a stroke would be all on the same side...I don't know...We'll see..." Tiny Asian Nurse said.

And then the doors to an alternate universe opened. I was officially in the ER.

To be continued...